During the past 13 months since ‘the first speech’ on 22nd October 2007 I have learnt many new things and experienced many situations I never imagined could happen to me, some good, more bad.

I have been thinking recently that I should post and share my experience’s with the veterans and the newbies, whatever the outcome newbies, you WILL be ok and I hope that some of these ‘lessons’ that I have learnt might help you…

I’ve learnt that you should never rely on anyone 100%, be it a spouse/partner/family member or friend.

I have learnt that nothing in life is guaranteed and however much two people love and care for each other, no marriage or relationship is invincible.

I have learnt that it pays to have savings as you never know what is going to happen, I wish now that I hadn’t bought all of those, shoes/bags and clothes that I never really needed. Had I of been sensible and spent only half of what I actually spent I wouldn’t of had to have hung around at my marital home for almost a year waiting for financial settlement and slowly becoming more worn down with each day.

I have learnt that it isn’t the end of the world to live alone and actually it is quite nice. My biggest fear has always been having to live alone, not any more, it’s ok.

I have learnt to be sympathetic to other peoples situations. My Mum lives alone and has done for over 10 years and would often tell me how lonely she was, I used to tell her to stop going on about it, not anymore, I listen and although I can’t change her situation it helps when I listen and don’t judge.

I have learnt that if you are unable to forgive you will never really be able to move on. H hurt me more than I could imagine during the last year but since I have moved out I have forgiven him, doesn’t mean I agree with his choices, it mean’s I don’t hold it against him any longer. I have dealth with it, forgiven him and moved forward.

I have learnt to be careful who I confide in and if you really do not want anything to ever come back and bite you on the bum, don’t tell anyone.

I have learnt that some people are not the great friends they pretended to be and more positively some friends are completely and utterly behind me and are true friends.

I have learnt to not worry about what other people think. AS long as I am not hurting them with my words or actions, what they think is not important to me.

I have learnt that life is too short to fall out with people over trivial things. I’m more honest, more open than I was. A good relationship means being able to say how you feel without falling out about it.

I don’t worry if I don’t have the latest shoes or DVD player, material things are nice but in the grand scheme of things, unimportant. People matter. I matter, who I am, not what I have.

I have learnt that I am a strong woman who can cope, even though in my darkest times I wondered how on earth I would make it through the night.

I have learnt to take ‘a day at a time’ and this is the single most valuable piece of information newbies should burn into their minds.

I have learnt that whatever the situation you are in today, will not be forever, it’s only for now.

I have learnt that you cannot change someone and you cannot put something into a person if it isn’t there in the first place. You can only control yourself.

I have learnt to accept people as they are and if I can’t accept them I need to ask myself some serious questions about the future of our relationship, whether that be friends, family or H.

I have learnt that nothing lasts forever, good or bad.

I have learnt that holidaying alone is something everyone should do at least once.

And the biggest lessson I have learnt is, if something is meant to be it will be, if your spouse truly loves you and wants a future with you, being seperated will make no difference. They won’t forget about you if you live apart, and if they do forget you, then it wasn’t meant to be. A man who wants you will walk to the ends of the earth to find you, if that is what he truly wants.

I wish I’d have known all this 13 months ago, I could have saved myself a lot of pain and heartache.

Posted on the Midlife Club Forum by member WHOTOOKMYHUSBAND? All rights reserved.