Some people have the urge to buy a sports car, others change jobs, but the ultimate midlife crisis has got to be discovering yourself to be a lesbian.

While most crises involve finding the moxie to do something you have longed dreamed about, this one is usually an act of desperation. You simply can’t stand to act as someone you are not any longer.

So, now you have figured yourself out… where do you go from here? If you are like most of us that have been down this road, you have had very little, if any, contact with gay culture. The result is you may be guided by misconceptions and stereotypes. So, no, don’t run out and buy that Harley! You don’t have to get a Celtic tattoo around your arm either!

The good news is you can pretty much stay the person you are right now. Yup. The only thing about you that has changed is that you realize you fall in love with womyn… oops, I mean women. Well, you may have to make some spelling allowances!

Next, you probably will want to meet other lesbians. You may be nervous about that. One idea is to try to connect with other women who are coming out in midlife, too. In my case, my coach introduced me to another client of hers (with mutual permission, of course). Eventually we drifted apart, but it was a great way to initiate a lesbian contact. After your first few encounters, you’ll find yourself cruisin’ the scene with confidence.

And the big question… what about sex? You are probably very curious to know what happens and most importantly what your reactions to lesbian sex will be. If you remember back a ways, you probably felt the same way before your first straight sex experience too, right? It’s normal to be curious and nervous, but once you meet the right woman, it will all fall into place… so to speak.

A lesbian midlife crisis may be extreme, but it will also lead to a rewarding and energizing exploration of self. Enjoy the ride!

This article was written by Pat Cheney, MBA, a life coach specializing in coming out in adulthood and mixed orientation marriage issues. Pat also works with lesbian couples to strengthen and energize their relationships. Her approach is balanced and sensitive to the difficulties of midlife transitions. Pat’s coaching practice is located on the web at – Additional articles on this topic are available at her blog,

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