As you work your way through the black hole of divorce, memories of particularly good times that you and your soon-to-be-ex husband or wife shared together will surface. You may hear a song, or find a photo, or someone will say something that triggers the memory. The pain will get deeper, or your anger will grow stronger.

Are memories keeping you locked in the past? “How can he say he doesn’t love me anymore?” “Was she lying to me all along?” “Maybe we can work it out…” “If we tried just one more time…”

How can anyone forget everything once shared in love? And remembering, how can anyone not think that with a little more effort, the marriage could be put back together… repaired… made whole again.

Memories can be selective. Bits and pieces of the good times woven together to form a comforting blanket of how it used to be and how it might be once again. It’s easy to wrap yourself in these warm memories to protect yourself from the harsh reality of today.

But, there’s another blanket you should weave, the blanket woven with the painful memories of here and now. Try to wrap that uncomfortable blanket around yourself and you’ll find that you’ll feel better if you toss it as far away as possible.

Memories of the good times will keep you trying to recapture a past that is long over. Memories of today will help you work forward to a future that is yet to be written.

Divorce is a small moment in time. The memory of this time will fade and be replaced by more pleasant memories that you will make in the future. Years from now you will have forgotten the black hole and the desperation.

Trust me on this one. I’ve been there. Long ago I traded my blanket of bad memories for a much cozier one woven with newer memories of good friends, warm love, and a renewed faith in myself. You’ll do it, too.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.