After 23 years of marriage, he moved out of their home and is living with a male friend. Since then he says her he has fallen out of love with her and doesn’t want to “compromise his life” any more. He also has admitted to a very brief affair, a few years ago, which he didn’t enjoy. He blames her for his unhappiness and wants a divorce. She is in therapy.

I said:

Unfortunately, you love this man more than you love yourself. And he loves himself more than he loves you. That makes 2 for him and 0 for you. That’s way too uneven!!

Since he has decided he must have a clean break with you to clear his guilty conscience (any excuse in time of need) what do you think that is going to do for your financial situation? Particularly with you going bankrupt to save his inherited trust? You need superb credit right now! It’s time to look out for number one, and that must be you. As you have found out, no one else is going to put you first, that’s your job.

Male midlife crisis does some terrible things to families. You’ll become an expert in the next few years, I just don’t want you to become a casualty. It’s your choice, but I’d suggest that you forget about meeting your husband on his weekly “comfortable” drink schedule. It’s time for you to get busy, get in shape mentally and physically, and get back into circulation.

Let him wonder where you are, what you’re doing. Don’t be readily available. Don’t be predictable and eager to take him back. You’re someone special. He damn sure should know it, if and when he thinks about returning.

He doesn’t plan to compromise his life anymore and neither should you. You deserve more out of life than to hurt like this and wait for him to discover that you’re the best thing to come into his life. It could happen. Or, he could meet someone who makes him feel special and he could get married six hours after your divorce is final.

Learn to live without him. If you’re meant to be together, it will happen. But nothing will happen if you wait for fate to take its course without your assistance. For support, you might want to join The Midlife Club. Unfortunately, you now qualify for membership.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.