He wrote: “I am the husband, but just read about male mlc and was amazed at how well it described what my 43-year-old wife of 24 years is going through. she is having such a crisis all her own and i’m desperately trying to hang on to her. Please help.”

I said:

Aging can be difficult for women as well as men. One day, women look in the mirror and see their mother staring out. What they really want to see is Cindy Crawford, Pamela Anderson, or at the very least, Goldie Hawn. They’re enjoying themselves with friends, reach for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and the hand that reaches is their mother’s hand. They feel old. They panic. They feel less than desirable.

This going to be a difficult time and perhaps your relationship won’t survive. Perhaps it will be stronger than ever. Much of what happens will depend upon how well you can let go of her so that she can find herself. Be supportive. Don’t tell her what she must do, listen as she explains what she must do. Be understanding. Be loving. Be faithful. Be protective of yourself.

Use this time to redefine your needs, goals and ambitions. Perhaps while she is finding out who she really is, you will be learning about the real you. It won’t be easy. And both of you may make some mistakes that you’d wish you hadn’t made. Good luck and take care of yourself.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.