It’s a wonderful thing to be in love with another person. Before your marriage fell apart you knew what it was to be in love and loved by someone else, didn’t you?
Remember how you felt when they were always there for you no matter how bad things were? How you could always count on them to make you feel better with a soft touch and a loving word.
Or maybe he hit you instead. Or maybe she was too drunk to care. Or maybe he only said those loving words to his girlfriend. Or maybe she saved the soft touches for her stolen moments with him.
When he says he doesn’t love you any more, you immediately blame yourself for having done something wrong. It doesn’t matter if he has cheated and lied, and is now living with a replacement lover, you still believe you did something wrong.
When she leaves, you believe you can convince her to return by promising anything. You’ll change, things will be better, you swear! All you need is another chance.
Perhaps you are to blame for the marriage failing. Did you cheat? Are you an abuser? Are you an addict or alcoholic?
Perhaps the both of you are to blame for not paying attention to each other’s needs as well as your own.
Or perhaps they are to blame. Sometimes you can do everything right, you can have overpowering love for them, but if they don’t feel the same way, if they aren’t in the marriage with the same conviction and commitment, you don’t stand a chance of longterm happiness. Some people just don’t know how to love someone else. And, sometimes, for no reason we can fathom, love leaves a relationship… never to return.
Whatever reason brings you here today, please resolve now to get in touch with the person who really matters the most in this world – YOU!! If you’ve never known it before, you must come to understand there is only one person on this earth on whom you can completely depend and that is yourself. (Please note I said “on this earth.”)
Be kind to yourself. Do not allow others to be unkind to you.
Respect yourself. Do not allow others to disrespect you.
Love yourself. You do not need someone else’s love to validate your worth.
Like yourself. Without “like” can there really be “love”?
If you can learn to respect, love and like yourself, others will take notice. You’ll have a self-confidence that will attract others.
Don’t do it for someone else, do it for yourself! You are important!
Once you have mastered the technique of respecting, loving and liking yourself, you’ll be ready to jump back into the relationship ocean. This time you won’t need someone else to cling to for support. You’ll be able to take care of yourself.
I have shed my share of tears over love gone bad so don’t think for a minute I don’t understand the pain you’re feeling. I’ve been there.
When a relationship ends, for whatever reason, you don’t have a lot of options when it comes to MAKING someone else love you. We all have free choice, or at least it’s supposed to be that way. Even though you may choose to love them, they may use their choice to love someone else.
Whatever your situation, you must make the best of it by relying on yourself as well as reaching out sparingly to those friends and family who may offer to assist.
You must develop your own personal strengths to handle this challenge. It isn’t the last challenge you’ll ever face and it may not be the worst. It is today’s challenge.
You are being prepared for the next step in life. When you move past this, you will see what you can’t see now. You are worthy of love and being loved. Know it. Believe it.
© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.