Today, it is 2 years since I got the speech “I’m not happy, I haven’t been happy for over 6 months and I don’t love you anymore.” Two days later, he was gone – moved into a motel for a few weeks then rented a house. We had been together for 20 years and had 3 children.

There is lots of debate on this site about whether there is another woman involved in MLC – I truly believe he did not have another woman when he left. He told me on a number of occasions that there was no-one else involved, and I know him well enough to know when he was lying.

Of course, now he is living with another woman that he met 9 months after we split. The ironic thing is that she has 2 children that he is now raising – I’ll never understand how they can swap one family for another.

Never mind, my reason for coming on here today is for all the newbies, who like me 2 years ago, searched for information to help explain their spouses’ actions and found this site.

I never thought that I would survive, I didn’t believe that life could get better. But I did survive and slowly, slowly, life has gotten better. To the point now where I am indifferent to my ex’s actions and words. The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference and it’s great to be at a point in my life where what he thinks of me doesn’t matter anymore to me.

I basically followed all the information presented on here – tried to detach, set up routines for the children, found a good lawyer, started counselling (and after 2 years, am still visiting my therapist once a week – it has been an absolute life-saver for me).

There are still things my ex does that upset me. But, I have learned that I cannot change him, I have to accept what he does, and it is best to accept it without animosity or anger. Both those emotions do no good.

Some people say after a marriage break-up that “it was the best thing that ever happened to them.” Even though I have done a lot of work on myself, I don’t think I’ll ever reach a position where I will be able to say that. After 2 years I would not want my ex back now. My nephew was visiting yesterday and his umprompted comment regarding my ex was “he is emotionally incompetent!” I really liked that!

So for all you newbies, use this site. Take the information that’s relevant, post often even if it is just to rant. It’s a great outlet for all sorts of emotions and there is always someone who understands what you are going through.

Posted on the Midlife Club forum by member 1then2. All rights reserved.