It’s not easy nor is it safe, but it’s a way get back on track and pursue our unfulfilled dreams and potential. Sometimes it’s a reflection of how we’ve changed and what we now want or need.

We have all reinvented ourselves in some capacity at some point in our lives. Sometimes it’s a conscious, calculated choice we make, like pursuing a dream. Other times the reinvention is a product of necessity, when we are forced to change by external factors, like becoming a caregiver for an aging parent, the victim of a crime or are we find ourselves in a health crisis.

Most of the time, people reinvent themselves because of their circumstances, making the reinvention a “must.” When we’re contemplating making a shift to pursue a goal or dream, we often categorize it as a “should.” But shouldn’t we classify our goals and dreams as “musts?” The answer is absolutely, positively YES!

Successful people are already using this strategy. We all have the capability to have success if we choose to apply the reinvention tool by choice. Whether we like Madonna or not, her successful music career is not her only highlight in life. Madonna’s unparalleled ability to reinvent herself over the last three decades places her in “a league of her own.”

Madonna was keenly aware of the necessity to keep current with music industry trends based on the rapidly changing demographics for pop culture. Even as Madonna enjoyed her phenomenal successes in music, she took unpopular risks as she navigated new reinvention ventures; actor, record producer, film producer, fashion designer, author, director, wife, mother and philanthropist. Not bad for a dancer, singer, songwriter, guitarist and percussionist.

Think about how quickly we reinvent ourselves during a crisis. We barely have time to think about it, let alone choose. It’s done. All other matters are no longer important. Imagine that you’re going about your life, showing up at work, taking care of the kids and the house and then WHAM, catastrophe strikes.

All of sudden your world is literally turned upside down and your reinvention consumes your life. You surrender to your new role. You re-prioritize your life based on the external event.

Choosing our own reinvention doesn’t rate very high for most people. We find we’re better at cleaning up than we are at putting our energy and attention into creating what we truly want.

Take it from me; a welfare kid, waitress, beauty queen, battered woman, heavy equipment operator, Desert Storm veteran, police officer, undercover detective, SWAT team member, author, speaker, life coach, wife, and step-mom.

We are not what we do. We are the result of a compilation of the experiences in our lives. Every door opened to us and closed behind us represents an opportunity for reinvention.

Since her resignation from law enforcement, reinvention expert Lisa Lockwood has driven NASCAR and become a coach, speaker, marathon runner, scuba diver, skydiver and snowboarder. See her appearance on “The Big Idea with Donny Deutch” and get 6-Tips to Reinvention at http://www.lisalockwood.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Lisa_Lockwood

I suspect it isn’t all of a sudden, but the culmination of many things changing until he finally takes notice. Or until she says she just can’t handle it any more. Or until she yells for help.

In some cases the wife may be suffering from a physical ailment and not a mental or emotional one. What I’ve learned from my own experience, and a lot of research, is that diseases of the thyroid are silent but they play major tricks on a person’s body and mind. And I have also learned that if these diseases can be kept under control, life can return to normal.

I consider myself well read and yet I never considered the possibility that I might have a disease that would leave me fatigued, fat, and feeling older than I am. But that’s part of what Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis can do. And it’s fairly common among women 40 and older. It’s also heriditary, but, you may be like me, the first in your family to actually have the condition diagnosed and treated.

Any woman over 40 who is not feeling up to par, who is gaining weight despite her best efforts to lose, and who feels tired from the moment she gets up in the morning, needs to get to a doctor and request that her thyroid function be checked. It can happen at any age, but 40 and over is most common.

A simple blood workup will show whether or not the thyroid is doing its job. I’m oversimplifying everything because I’m not a doctor. I’m a patient. And now you might call me an advocate for the cause. I had an idea of what my diagnosis would be based upon the test results that were coming in and the research I was doing on the Web. I put it all together before my doctor put the words to paper.

It’s not just women who suffer from thyroid disease. So, may I suggest that if you’re feeling less than yourself, outgrowing the clothes in your closet, and exhausted every minute, tell your doctor to run a blood test to be sure your thyroid is functioning within normal ranges. If not, knowing the problem will put you on the road toward correcting it. In many cases, one little pill every day will be all it takes to get back to normal.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.

Yes a plan helps, but sometimes meeting our future takes a leap of faith. I started a blog as a leap of faith, and I wanted a career change. Did I know for a fact that there were thousands of men who might benefit from my experience in the trenches?

No, but my senses told me that many men wished that they were better understood. Men often are misunderstood, lack support for their decisions, and go unnoticed for their contributions to family and community.

When I “retired” from the advertising world, I remembered thinking, “Now I know why men die after they retire.” I lost my moorings. Even though closing my business was a conscious decision, I was so identified with a fast-paced, competitive world that I lost my sense of self.

Five years later, I launched a small-press publishing company and thought that I had finally found my calling. That venture aborted just on the cusp of major national exposure. It took me four years and a mental breakdown to recover.

But sometimes what we perceive to be a “breakdown” is really a “breakthrough.” What I’ve learned is that we can’t control anything. I can’t control a thing.

Think for a moment about Chinese handcuffs; the harder you pull, the stronger they bind you. The same is true with the mental and emotional confusion wrought from a breakdown. When we try to control our life, we will continue to muddle along. Instead, consider the possibility that by adapting to a new and changing reality, clarity and direction are yours for the asking.

The harder I pulled those handcuffs, the tighter they bound me to the old form. I couldn’t let go, until my life circumstances forced me to.

Men don’t have it easy in this world. Protecting and providing for your family, day in and day out, doesn’t garner much media attention. How do you protect your family from the unseen? How do you provide when the “old” economy reneges on its promises? Or steals your financial future?

Are you stressing and grinding out each day with no end in sight? I know how you feel I (I’d been whipsawed by the gyrations of the auto industry.) I’ve felt that way myself (the never-ending anxieties of a mother.) And I’ve found that holding on doesn’t work.

Today is the only day we have. I spent all that energy and emotion lamenting my fate, but I can’t say that it was wasted.

I came to realize that things happen in their own time. Lao-Tzu wrote, “Waiting is not empty hoping.” There is such a thing as timing. I needed to acquire more emotional tools and mental weapons to be prepared for unforeseen battles.

I forgot who I was for a while, but I never stopped striving and readying myself.

A day comes in every seeker’s life called the “dark night of the soul.” We cannot measure how long that day will last. Eventfully you emerge, and can say with confidence and clarity: I know who I am! That knowledge gives you the courage to act.

Let that be your anchor, not the “shoulds” of society or the expectation of others. Provide for and protect your family to the best of your ability. That’s all that’s required.

Nicolette Beard is a former editor, publisher and advertising executive. Currently, she provides insightful commentary on issues men face at including midlife crisis, male menopause and finding your purpose in life. http://www.Man-o-pause.com– Providing Midlife Men a Place to Breathe — is the only blog for men written from a woman’s unique perspective.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Nicolette_Beard

1. No longer ‘knowing’ the person staring back at you in the mirror.

This is a pretty sure sign that somewhere along the line you have lost connection with the essence of who you are. Getting back into alignment with your true, authentic self requires some honest soul searching, to find the answers to fundamental questions about what is important to you and what really matters.

2. Worrying about where your life is going.

You may well feel you’re in no-man’s land – you realize there is definitely no going back but there is no clear way forward. If you don’t know where you’re headed, any road will take you there – so, consult your inner map and make decisions about where you WANT to go. That way, you’ll arrive at your destination of choice, rather than simply ending up ’somewhere’.

3. Feeling frustrated with just about everything.

When that nagging voice of dissatisfaction simply refuses to be silenced, then maybe it’s time to listen to it! Don’t just hope it will eventually go away, but ask yourself instead, ‘What am I NOT doing that is causing this frustration?’

4. Experiencing feelings of regret.

Dwelling on what can’t be undone keeps you locked into the past rather than focusing on the future. Learning from painful regrets and using them as a catalyst for change will help you move on and put the past where it belongs – behind you.

5. Focussing on what you are losing.

It feels as though you are standing on shifting sands, that your best years are behind you and that everything is changing – but not for the better. Things are changing certainly, but not ending. Remind yourself of what you have now and be open to all possibilities in readiness for the next new chapter in your life.

6. Feeling almost ‘invisible’.

You may feel stripped of your identity and purpose and find it increasingly difficult to be ’seen’ when you no longer attract instant admiration. Finding a new identity and a new visibility comes through learning what YOU value in yourself, what you have to offer others and feeling comfortable with the person underneath the facade.

7. Thinking that time is running out.

Midlife is that time when you metaphorically turn a corner and see the finishing post for the first time! Use your new awareness of time as a precious and limited commodity, to bring a sense of urgency to your dreams and provide the impetus to make them happen.

8. Questioning the meaning of life.

Midlife has been defined as the time when you reach the top of the ladder only to find it’s leaning against the wrong wall. If you keep asking yourself ‘Is this it?’, then chances are your ladder is indeed against the wrong wall. Finding the right wall comes through redefining success in your own terms, so you make choices that activate and focus your life force.

9. Feeling trapped.

Somewhere along the way, various dreams and goals may have been silently shelved and before you know it, you feel hemmed in by thoughts of what life ‘could have been’. What’s the first thing we do when we feel trapped? We look for ways to escape! If you feel the urge to do a ‘Reggie Perrin’ or a ‘Shirley Valentine’ remember, Reggie and Shirley ultimately realized that what they were looking for wasn’t escape – it was change.

10. Wanting to make some changes but not know where to begin.

Feeling overwhelmed saps your power and keeps you stuck, helpless and fearful of making the ‘wrong’ choices. The way to move out of the paralysis is to stop ‘getting ready’ and start ‘doing’. Take responsibility for making change happen, no matter how small and remind yourself how good it feels to be in control.

If you’ve experienced any of these symptoms, then you could be forgiven for thinking you were indeed in some sort of crisis. What may feel like a crisis, is in fact, an inevitable and natural life stage characterized by internal change and reorientation.

Change is always difficult and yes, you may well experience vulnerability, uncertainty and discomfort, but each symptom also offers an opportunity for challenge, excitement and growth in preparation for the next new chapter in your life.

© Karen Knott Midlife Matters 2008

Karen Knott is a life coach who works with midlife women who are eager to reconnect with their sense of purpose and enthusiasm and make lasting changes that have a positive impact on their lives. Register for her free e-Program ‘Turning Midlife into the Time of Your Life’ at http://www.midlifematters.co.uk

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Karen_Knott

Midlife sets in somewhere between the end of the 30s and the late 40s. It is distinct from the premenopausal years that occur later. Up till the 1900s, only about 10% of women reached middle age. Their roles were well defined within the limited sphere of home and family, as wife, mother, domestic drudge. Midlife crisis was unheard of.

However, the 20th century has seen an incredible lengthening of the life span, with women living well into their 7th or 8th decade. So, around 40 years or thereabouts, when the business of child bearing is over, and children begin to assert their independence, there looms before women a stretch of life that appears to be like a vacuum.

Husbands may also be passing through their own midlife crisis, and are like irritable hedgehogs. Or in a reversal of roles, they become overly dependant on their wives. Women begin to feel trapped.

A woman may feel that life is passing her by. “Who am I?” she wonders. “Does my life count for anything?” An inexplicable loneliness overcomes her as though she has no real self identity. Conscious of her gradually fading beauty and energy, she sinks into depression. This feeling of worthlessness is compounded if there is marital dissatisfaction.

The 20th century saw revolutionary changes taking place in every aspect of life. Education, employment outside the home, collapse of the joint family system, migration to the impersonal atmosphere of cities, changing sex roles, women’s liberation movements, youth culture, and rapid advances in Science and technology – these have created a kind of insecurity in the traditional woman. As she tries to keep pace with changing times, stress becomes her portion.

It is against this background that Midlife Crisis assumes significance. Whether single, married or widowed, almost 2/3rds of women pass through this phase. A career oriented spinster high up in the Management hierarchy suddenly decided that she cannot live alone anymore. She conjures up pictures of being incarcerated in some Home for the Aged, and the prospect alarms her. So she frantically advertises in the newspapers for a suitable spouse, and may imprudently select an undesirable mate, or enter into a live-in relationship.

A sober middle aged widow may decide to give herself a new image. She may visit a beautician to have her hair styled, her eyebrows plucked, and her wrinkles ironed out with Botox. She may even begin to use heavy make-up and dress like a teenager. She may flirt outrageously with eligible men, or have an affair with someone younger than her son. People notice, gossip and snigger, but the woman throws propriety to the winds, and is brazen about her behavior.

A spinster with unfulfilled maternal desires may decide to have a baby out of wedlock or offer to ‘rent her womb.’ Some psychologists say that Midlife Crisis is just a convenient excuse for irresponsible behavior. But it can be argued that if this was the case, why wait till middle age to indulge one’s self? Middle Age is merely a transitory phase, and is not something to be feared but welcomed. Crisis usually occurs when there is a lack of preparation. E. M. Blaicklock says “Middle Age is the time when life’s fruits begin to ripen.”

It must be prepared for. It is a time to take stock of one’s self, and examine one’s life style. One needs to identify factors that can contribute to a crisis and address them individually. Is there fear of losing one’s youth, sex appeal and beauty? Do a few strands of grey, or sagging breasts or weight gain create panic?

One psychiatrist says, “Feeling good and looking good is related to a balance between mind and body.” And Longfellow assures us that “Age is no less an opportunity than youth itself, though in another dress.” Exercise, a balanced diet, relaxation, and a general interest in the world around, will put the radiance back into middle aged faces.

Has the marriage relationship become boring? Then one needs to put more effort into changing it. A little more loving, communication and caring can go a long way in setting things right. The husband may also be passing through midlife crisis and may be disinterested or unable to respond to her feelings. A woman must therefore verbalize her needs directly and specifically, making him understand that she is passing through a difficult phase and wants his understanding and love.

A good husband will not only be emotionally supportive of his wife, but also give her the space she needs to develop her sense of self worth. If a woman is suddenly widowed in middle age, her depression may increase. Or she might rush into an affair which is not a sensible thing to do while under stress.

For a woman who has spent the best years of her life being an exemplary mother, who has found identity and fulfillment in her children, the realization that they don’t need her anymore, and a wide generation gap is developing between them, makes her feel marginalized and useless.

Midlife is also a time when one becomes vulnerable healthwise. Diseases like obesity, hypertension, diabetes, the need for diet restriction, medication, exercise, make her conscious of her mortality. She begins to brood over her situation and gets bogged down in self pity. Dwindling money resources and stringencies brought on by retirement, also pose a threat to her peace of mind.

All these stress factors have a snowballing effect, which can undermine a woman’s self confidence and bring about altered behavior like, depression, irritability, irrational behavior, assertiveness or abnormal sexual interest. In fact, this phase is like passing through a ‘second emotional adolescence.’

Anticipating and preparing for middle age can make the transition smoother. Life doesn’t end at that stage. Floyd and Thatcher say, “Middle Age is a time for discovery, not stagnation. It is a time ripe for fresh beginnings – a threshold to a rich stimulating future. If approached with good humour and flexibility, and an openness to change, the middle years and beyond can be the best half of life.”

Life has many different seasons. At each season a woman needs to reassess her values from different perspectives. Whether single, married or widowed, she needs to bloom in her own identity, and not be a rubber stamp of her husband or a door mat for her children; nor should she let herself be exploited even by her own family. She too must be a decision maker and assert herself when necessary.

Hobbies and new interests make life interesting. “Unlock your creativity,” exhorts Ann Morrow Lindbergh. Music, reading, travel, painting are mood elevators.

Good friends are assets in difficult times. They act as confidantes or as sounding boards when one needs to get something off one’s chest. They lend support in times of stress and depression.

Groups like “Emotions Anonymous” help its members to open up and talk about their problems. They learn from each other’s experiences and help each other mutually, to redefine their ideas and values. They become happy and confident. Artificial props like drugs and alcohol are not the answer, neither is an extra marital affair a solution. It may only lead to guilt feelings that are hard to shake off.

Husbands and children must realize that their supportive love can work magic in overcoming midlife crisis. But unless a woman verbalizes her needs and fears, they cannot know.

Finding time for introspection, refusing to condemn one’s self for imaginary short comings, and an awareness of the temporary nature of such a crisis, is half way to overcoming it. People tend to put God last when faced with a crisis. Paul’s words in Philippians 3:13 are encouraging. “I am still not all I should be, but I am bringing all my energies to bear out one thing; forgetting the past, and looking to what lies ahead.” Prayer surmounts many a crisis.

Midlife is the pre- autumn season of one’s life. Autumn is sure to follow, and will light up one’s personality with the golden hues of maturity and peace. Life will begin again with a new vision for what is left of the future.

Eva Bell is a doctor of Medicine and also a freelance writer of articles, short stories, children stories. Published in Indian magazines and newspapers, anthologies and also on the web. Author of two novels, one non-fiction, two children’s books. Special interest – Travel and Women’s Issues.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Eva_Bell

While most crises involve finding the moxie to do something you have longed dreamed about, this one is usually an act of desperation. You simply can’t stand to act as someone you are not any longer.

So, now you have figured yourself out… where do you go from here? If you are like most of us that have been down this road, you have had very little, if any, contact with gay culture. The result is you may be guided by misconceptions and stereotypes. So, no, don’t run out and buy that Harley! You don’t have to get a Celtic tattoo around your arm either!

The good news is you can pretty much stay the person you are right now. Yup. The only thing about you that has changed is that you realize you fall in love with womyn… oops, I mean women. Well, you may have to make some spelling allowances!

Next, you probably will want to meet other lesbians. You may be nervous about that. One idea is to try to connect with other women who are coming out in midlife, too. In my case, my coach introduced me to another client of hers (with mutual permission, of course). Eventually we drifted apart, but it was a great way to initiate a lesbian contact. After your first few encounters, you’ll find yourself cruisin’ the scene with confidence.

And the big question… what about sex? You are probably very curious to know what happens and most importantly what your reactions to lesbian sex will be. If you remember back a ways, you probably felt the same way before your first straight sex experience too, right? It’s normal to be curious and nervous, but once you meet the right woman, it will all fall into place… so to speak.

A lesbian midlife crisis may be extreme, but it will also lead to a rewarding and energizing exploration of self. Enjoy the ride!

This article was written by Pat Cheney, MBA, a life coach specializing in coming out in adulthood and mixed orientation marriage issues. Pat also works with lesbian couples to strengthen and energize their relationships. Her approach is balanced and sensitive to the difficulties of midlife transitions. Pat’s coaching practice is located on the web at http://www.discoveringpride.com – Additional articles on this topic are available at her blog, http://discoveringprideblog.wordpress.com

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Patricia_Cheney

Menopause has long been accepted as the reason that loving wives suddenly turn into screaming, demanding, crying shrews. Hot flashes and hormonal changes impact different women different ways. The passage through menopause provides a reason to a husband for his wife’s erratic behavior.

But menopause isn’t always the cause of a woman’s dissatisfaction with her current life. Just as some middle-aged men look in the mirror, see grey hair for the first time, and run to test their virility on the first nubile female, women have their trigger points.

Some of those triggers have to do with their changing appearance. Some have to do with gaining the experience to understand that they don’t have to accept a life on someone else’s terms if it is not fulfilling their emotional needs.

It can be trigggered by the “empty nest” as children grow up and leave home. Women who have based their entire personal value on motherhood may plunge headlong into midlife crisis.

Women used to be dependent on their husbands for support. While times may not have changed in some countries, in the United States, women can set their sights as high as men and strive to achieve whatever they want from life. This knowledge comes to many women in midlife. It is an awakening.

The passage through midlife is not easy. Some women aren’t even sure if what they’re experiencing has a name. For others, the passage is aimless and without direction. Regardless of the path they follow, the journey will be rocky not just for them but for those who love them.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.

I said:

Aging can be difficult for women as well as men. One day, women look in the mirror and see their mother staring out. What they really want to see is Cindy Crawford, Pamela Anderson, or at the very least, Goldie Hawn. They’re enjoying themselves with friends, reach for a cup of coffee or a glass of wine and the hand that reaches is their mother’s hand. They feel old. They panic. They feel less than desirable.

This going to be a difficult time and perhaps your relationship won’t survive. Perhaps it will be stronger than ever. Much of what happens will depend upon how well you can let go of her so that she can find herself. Be supportive. Don’t tell her what she must do, listen as she explains what she must do. Be understanding. Be loving. Be faithful. Be protective of yourself.

Use this time to redefine your needs, goals and ambitions. Perhaps while she is finding out who she really is, you will be learning about the real you. It won’t be easy. And both of you may make some mistakes that you’d wish you hadn’t made. Good luck and take care of yourself.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.

Many men question why their wives would suddenly decide they want out of a perfectly good marriage. They fail to see that while the marriage may be grand for them, their prior years of being a major dropout in the marriage have finally caught up and it’s payback time.

In this woman’s situation, she gave everything she had, time and time again, only to find it wasn’t good enough for her husband. She steeled herself to the rejection and pain and each time grew a little stronger and a little less needful of her husband’s support, approval or love.

Now, when her husband says he’s ready to settle into a loving marriage, she doesn’t have any love left to give. Her walls are up and the door is locked. Will her husband say she’s acting irrationally? That she’s not herself anymore? Would he question whether or not she’s having a midlife crisis? Perhaps it could be called a “midlife awakening” as she realizes she won’t live forever.

We all handle our stresses differently. Some people can accept their partner’s faults without any apparent erosion of love. Some can’t. It might have to do with the individual’s personal strengths. It might have to do with what they need from a relationship.

Being in love with someone who is abusive, addicted, a cheat, or otherwise out of the marriage by their actions, is not easy to handle. Giving the offending spouse chances to change is certainly the mature thing to do.

Sometimes, though, the mature thing to do is to cut your losses and say goodbye, because, as much as they may have changed for the better, it’s too little, and much too late.

© Pat Gaudette. All rights reserved.